College Friends

Happy July 4th Everyone! Here is a draft of a post I started writing on New Years Day. The first day of my cleansing. But it was somehow unpublished. I just want to be able to document my growth as a person. Enjoy!

When education and relationships fuse

First off I would like to start off by saying HAPPY NEW YEAR my beautiful readers! This is my  first post of 2013 and I would like to take a vow of consistency this year. Therefore, I will be making an effort to post twice a week. I currently have some issues with my computer (my baby burned out) but I love writing so were going to make it happen somehow, someway.

So...I am currently going through some issues with my friends from school and I thought I should reflect on this because I am sure we all have these problems.

Now I've always hated clicks. And I guess that's why I am so shy. However, since high school I've always tried to socialize with many different groups of people rendering myself versatile and friendly. I did not want to feel as if I belonged to one group but hey no matter how hard you fight it, no matter what age or setting, there are always going to be CLICKS.

My freshman year I met a lot of people but this was the second year of my  5 year relationship and I'm sure you know that at that stage you're pretty much glued to his side and on top of that I was EXTREMELY homesick. And this lasted for about two years. So I pretty much had a small circle of friends and a bunch of acquaintances.

I met these girls my freshman year who I eventually ended up becoming roommates with and all hell went down! That's when I realized that you really can't dorm with friends. Long story short we've been "friends" ever since. There is still a lot of unresolved tension between us and since I am the "most" un-confrontational friend in the bunch the problems seemingly always revolve around me and my roommate in the suite. Now I always told that "your going to meet some of your best friends in college..." But what happened to me because it seems like I somehow skipped that stage. What is fake anyway?

Fake (my definition) : A person or thing that causes unnecessary drama by conspiring and spreading information about particular individuals with the awareness that the drama can manifest.

I just like peace. I'm unconfrontational. What's the difference?

The Evolution of Social Interactions

As time goes on, the more I question the value of my friendships. Being a person surrounded by so many friends, how do I remain so lonely. Not to say I don't like my solitude just wondering how its possible. I mean I literally have about 5-6 circles of friends. Thats my best friends, my college friends, my church friends, my coworkers (new and old), miscellaneous and mutual friends and my boyfriends to say the least....Im surrounded by so much love and support but yet its painful to call people sometimes. I normally hate phone conversations unless i'm speaking to a lover i'm comfortable having a phone conversation with. Its ironic how I can speak for hours on the phone with a lover but dread speaking hours on the phone with a relative or friend. Unless the conversation is really intriguing, I just can not enjoy it. Maybe I'm deflecting my friends. My sister unlike me is able to randomly call friends and relatives and just speak. Its not that I don't like speaking because I Can Ramble! (As you can see) But Id rather do the talking in person. In my lifetime, I will make it my responsibility to understand the evolution of social interactions. As technology becomes more advanced, the way we value our friendships will be altered and I am interested in discovering why. Meanwhile, I sometimes cry myself to sleep with bottled up emotions that im afraid of sharing because of past experiences with judgement. This is torture of the worst kind.